Can you think of a toxic person in your life? Even if the answer’s no, you must have met someone who fits the description. If a relationship with someone makes you feel bad about yourself, it’s a bad idea. Dealing with toxic people is difficult and exhausting; it might even push you to limits you didn’t know you could cross. But it’s not always black and white, as it’s sometimes impossible to know how to handle a situation unless you’ve learned from previous interactions.
However, there are certain universal traits you should familiarize with, to help you steer clear of such toxic influences.
1.Toxic people are manipulative.
Their strategy is to make people do everything they want for them. It’s always all about them. Other people are just a means of achieving whatever goal they have set. Forget what you want, if equality is what you demand from a relationship, this is not it.
2. They’re judgmental.
Pay attention to the criticism: it’s always about you, your actions, even things you haven’t done. It’s never about them, and they’ll lie through their teeth if it gets them what they want.
3. They don’t take responsibility for their own feelings.
Their feelings are, in a sense, projected onto you. If you point this out, they’ll passionately defend their perspective, without taking any responsibility for anything they’ve done.
4. They don’t apologize.
In their head, there’s no reason to because nothing’s ever their fault. And even though they manipulate relationships to serve their own interests, they also try to get attention and sympathy by playing the victim.
5. They’re inconsistent.
It’s hard to discern who you’re with, because they’re often a different person. They change their attitude, perspective and behavior depending on their goal. They can even feign kindness if it gets them what they want.
6. They make you prove yourself to them.
Toxic people will make you choose them over someone else, or something they want over something you do. This often ends up being a “divide and conquer” strategy, in which the only choice is them, even to the point where you have to disregard other relationships to satisfy them.
7. They make you justify yourself.
They have difficulties concentrating on certain issues, perhaps because they don’t care about your point of view. They’re very skilled manipulators, and their tactics may consist of being deliberately vague, so as to shift focus from the actual point, to how you’re discussing the issue- tone, choice of words, etc. . Their focus is on problems, not solutions.
8. They’re not caring, supporting or interested in what’s important to you.
Good things happening to you means the attention is no longer on them and their goals. Stay wary of people who find fault with you and make you feel like you’re always wrong.
Toxic people manipulate you into helping and fixing their problems. They want your pity, and ask you to take responsibility for the things happening to them. And their problems never really find a solution, since the moment you solve one crisis, another one arises.
They want your constant sympathy and support, and they’re able to orchestrate drama to get it. And fixing never helps because it’s always you who cares more about their problems than them.
Toxic people are exhausting, and spending time with them drains your energy. It’s always about their business, and this always leaves you frustrated. It may seem as a good idea to give a helping hand, but once you realize that every interaction is negatively charged, you might consider limiting contact with them, or even cutting them off completely. You need your energy for your life, so don’t be so eager to just give it away.
And a narcissistic person is particularly toxic, as they take charge of any situation, and/or person. They demand your undivided attention and will convince you that their point of view is superior to yours. They’re right, you’re wrong, and you need to do as they say. Such a toxic person won’t hesitate to invade your space and isolate you from people close to you.
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