Does your mother’s phone call make you feel anxious? Does talking to your mother on phone make you feel apprehensive and restless? Does the thought of your mother visiting you leave you emotionally crippled? If that is the case, you mother may be a narcissist making you feel inferior, worried and agitated.
It can be quite hard to realize that your own mother is making you feel such negative emotions and it makes it harder to love her. But despite her nature, she is your mother and you have to find effective ways to tackle the narcissism in her.
Is your mother really a narcissist?
You have to be sure and find out if your mother is really a narcissist or you just don’t bond well together? Here are some of the characteristics which narcissist posses, which will help you, identify if your mother is a narcissist or not.
Although it is common for mothers for criticizing but constructive criticism is expected from mothers which makes her children better. A narcissist mother will criticize you to make you feel inferior and will keep on tormenting you on simple habits.
For example, your mother may react harshly to a simple thing as moving the trash can inside the house to the way you dress to the way you parent your children. She will always be harsh in her words and try t disparage you.
2.Cannot Take Criticism well
She may disapprove of you all the time but the moment you raise your voice and tell her that she is wrong, she throws a tantrum. She is not ready to listen anything bad about herself or her opinion or her actions. She feels she is always right and what you are doing always have some flaws.
Gossip and bad-mouthing
Does your mother talk bad about the people who are not present and try to dominate your father in more ways than one? Does you and your father, both are wary of your mother? Women like to gossip but it is one thing to gossip and other to pass critical comments on someone. She may say inappropriate things to your friends and family members and bad-mouth others. A Narcissist has an inherent need to seek attention from everyone around her, which is the reason she does this.
Does your mother trick you into doing things which you do not wish to do? Does your mother manoeuvre you into a vulnerable position where you are stuck and forced to do things her way? She may manipulate you in to have conversations or gossip which you may not like to have. You may feel angry and frustrated but you must be unable to do anything in front of her.
If your mother is doing all these things and triggering a sense of anxiety, stress and emotional breakdown inside you, then you mother is surely a narcissist. It is not your fault that she is that way but you need to find the best ways to tackle with her without losing your peace of mind.
How to Tackle You Narcissist Mom?
It becomes hard for a person to love a narcissist mom or even form an easy relationship with her. Although the best method suggested by experts is cutting off all ties with a narcissist person to get away from their controlling and dominant nature, it may not seem viable in this case.
One cannot simply cut ties with their mother when a child craves for her motherly love and affection all her/his life. Here is a list of best ways to tackle a narcissist mother.
You mothers need your attention and adulation all the time. A narcissist thrives on attention and a feeling of superiority they feel about themselves and so does your mother. You have to understand what she needs and cease to give her attention.
When she does not get the attention she gets from you when she disapproves of you or undermines you, she will cease to seek that attention from you.
Initially, she may try to provoke you or lure you to be her apply again, but if you hold out against her initial attempts ad ignore her then she will let go of you and you can control your freedom again.
2.Don’t Try to Change her
A narcissist cannot change even if they try to change. Narcissism is not an illness or an ailment but it is a personality disorder. It cannot be treated with medicines but can only be reduced with the help of behavioural therapy.
You cannot change her and you should not feel sad about not being the perfect daughter. It is not your fault that your mother is a narcissist and you should accept the fact at the earliest.
3.Set Your Boundaries
You have to set your boundaries and do not let her stress you emotionally and physically. You are not running away from her but rather her problems. Narcissism is not your problem but hers. You may feel pained of not having a proper relationship with her, the bond which most mothers have with their children but you must be accepting of this fact that your mother is a narcissist. You should realize that engaging yourself with her will only be detrimental to your own health and wellbeing.