It is hard to live with a feeling of loneliness, to live as everyone moves on and away from you. It is hard to be happy when every one of your confidences starts turning into strangers. When friends take minutes to leave your side, when lovers don’t seem to stay, it is hard to carry on normally. It is even harder to note that everybody around you has a healthy life, whereas you are the victim of the tortures of solitude. Solitude is like medicines, good in a controlled amount, fatal if developed into an addiction.
Tears, fear, and anxiety follow the difficult realization. Countless nights spent awake with tears of remorse and loneliness running down your cheeks is not easy to forget – are they? That fear of never meeting the right one, of never finding a friend is fueled by the midnight thoughts.
It is even harder when you start losing the grasp of the real world. There may be times when you feel insane, you feel unreal and caged. There may be instances when you’ll question your faith on God when you’ll rattle their gates for an answer to the question “why me?” There may be times when you start losing all hope, when you start accepting that the fault is yours – or you start blaming every being around you. That’s when you feel the instability of your condition.
That’s when you start seeing the world as a meaningless thing, life as a meaningless journey that has to be endured. That’s when you turn to materialistic pleasures of drinking, drugs, sex and gaming. It doesn’t take long for you to realize that this won’t work, that your soul yearns for pleasure much deeper than physical ones. That’s when the real sorrow starts, that’s when you feel you are broken beyond repair, that you have nothing and no one who can help you.
But this isn’t just you; it is the story of everybody’s life. Life is a bundle of experiences. As the bundle unrolls, people walk into our lives. We meet lovers, friends, and family. Slowly, family passes away and lover leave. Friends betray while we stand still. The bundle keeps unrolling while we choose a course of feelings to walk on. It may be grief, it may be the will to learn, it may be determination, and it may be hopelessness.
However, you may choose between two broad paths. Either you continue the “why me?” questions, or you start blaming the others. You start finding faults with everyone, even with yourself. You stew in your grief and you blame others for your actions and yourself for other’s.
My friend, if you find yourself walking on the latter path, you are in the phase of transition. The loneliness and anguish that you feel is the realization of a spiritual metaphor. To say it in a few words, welcome to The Dark Night of the Soul. This is the time when you feel you have lost all identity and that you are nobody.
Once you choose this path and enter this state of metaphor, you lose faith in everything. You trust not even yourself, leave alone family and friends. Everybody seems to be having ulterior motives and god might not exist. You feel the whole world looks up to as someone who can fulfill their needs. You start suffocating in this atmosphere, you start feelings as if you’re done and can’t take anymore. You feel you are being punished for bad deeds you haven’t even committed. You question everything that has been endowed on you by human intellect.
However, you must understand that if you don’t stop thrashing about meaninglessly, the circumstances will force you to halt. You must understand that this fight is leading to a dead end which has only one outcome – surrender. No matter how hard or lame you fight, you will have to surrender.
When you do surrender, you overcome your fears. Loneliness, pain and solitude do not deter you. When you stop blaming your ex boyfriend, friends turned enemies and god, you feel an emptiness, a state of emotionless abyss consumes you. This is what submitting means.
Once you submit yourself to your own soul, you will decide the path your future will take. You will embark upon the journey that was planned for you even before you were born.
Philosophical, filmy, Buddhist – that’s what you must be thinking. To submit and to awaken, to find our soul. But trust me, this is real and happens to most of us. When we escape the Dark Night of the Soul phase, we become enlightened about certain things and maybe that is why it is termed as a reawakening. We discover a new opening in our lives, a new sense of hope, a fresh start to life, a deeper meaning to the journey we are embarking upon. And this is returning to the living – to be awakening spiritually. This is a cause to celebrate and find joy within our bearings.
It provides you with numerous answers. It explains to you that a lover leaving doesn’t necessarily mean you were bad, it might be their incompetence. Everybody chooses their own path, and you may or may not figure out on their plans. However, you have your own path to choose. It is definitely not desirable to be ejected from somebody’s path of life; however it isn’t something we should grieve about for it wasn’t in our hands. There will be people who’ll mourn the loss of your companionship as well.
The majority of us are Transitory Empaths leading difficult lives. We give our whole selves to those whom we love and care for; however they may or may not value it. To make it all easier, we must learn the art of letting go, because sometimes holding on cause damage beyond repair. Saying goodbye doesn’t mean a loss always, it may be a fresh start to a better chapter.
Saying Aloha is not a stop to your growth. It doesn’t mean that the association we had with others was fueled by their ulterior motives. While we grow, we change and choose different branches of life. Sometimes, these branches may run parallel to those we love while never intersect. At those instances, we must let go. Now, armed with all this knowledge, always remember that you are not alone. We all are going through the anguish, solitude and loss of faith. We are sailing the same boat, playing the same game. Just that our waters are different, our monsters are different.